If you’re literally anywhere near the dating scene, you’ve likely experienced your fair share of red flags—that is, things that someone reveals about themselves early on that should serve as warnings for the type of people they really are.
Red flags can be personal or they may be universally indicative of what we like to call “small dick energy.” In contrast to “big dick energy,” which usually carries an effortlessly attractive level of confidence, small dick energy is characterized by general loser behavior. If you’re looking out for some indicators that the guy in your life is exhibiting small dick energy, here are five red flags to watch for.
he doesn't treat waitstaff well
This is the oldest red flag test in the book, and for a good reason. The way he treats the employees wherever you go on your date should be noted.
Is he kind? Does he make an effort to remember their names? Does he tip them well? These are all metrics for how much he respects other people.
he makes too many self-deprecating jokes
Something that gives off total small dick energy is an excessive number of self-deprecating jokes. A few digs at yourself can be funny, self-aware, or even lighten the mood on a date. However, the more he makes fun of himself, the less confident he looks.
You may be wise to believe the things he says about himself, rather than laughing along.
he complains about his "crazy ex"
Pay attention to how he talks about other women. Is his ex a “crazy psychopath who ruined his life”? Then, first of all, he’s got some major issues with how he treats and discusses women. Second of all, she’s probably cool, and you should call her instead.
he comes on way too strong
Often called “love bombing,” coming on too strong is a major red flag. If he’s bombarding you with lovey-dove-y texts, gifts, and displays of affection and commitment way too soon—get out of there.
He may be looking for you to become vulnerable with him only so he can use that vulnerability as leverage in the future. Our rule of thumb? If it seems too good to be true, it often is.
he doesn't get along with your friends
If you introduce your guy to your closest girlfriends and it doesn’t go over well, you may have a problem. Depending on what exactly your friends say about him—and what he says about them—there may be some things that you’re too lovesick to notice about him. After all, our friends often know us better than we know ourselves.
Plus, your real besties have seen all your past relationships as a third party, so they may be able to pick up on destructive patterns that you can’t. if the man you’re seeing is the one complaining about your friends, that’s just as bad. Him insulting the people you love the most is almost worse than him insulting you directly, and it indicates that he won’t be cool with group hangs going forward. Time to move on.
And if you’re interested in skipping the red flags altogether and attracting the perfect partner for you, definitely give this article a read.